Performance anxiety in the bedroom is far more common than most people realize — and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your relationship. These sexual performance anxiety tips are designed to help you feel more relaxed, connected, and confident with your partner.
Whether it’s nerves, past experiences, pressure to perform, or relationship tension, you can overcome it. Here are 8 strategies that actually work:
1. Normalize It
Know that you’re not alone. Performance anxiety affects people of all genders and orientations. Just understanding this can ease the shame spiral.
2. Talk About It
Open, judgment-free communication with your partner can release pressure. Saying “I’ve been feeling anxious lately” creates space for connection instead of fear.
3. Focus on Sensuality, Not Performance
Shift the goal from “having sex” to enjoying physical closeness. Slow down. Touch. Cuddle. Breathe together. Pleasure isn’t just penetration.
4. Breathe and Ground
Anxiety lives in the body. Before or during intimacy, try a few grounding breaths. Feel your feet on the floor. Come back to the present.
5. Explore Without Pressure
Get curious together. Try mutual massage, shared showers, or guided intimacy exercises without pressure to “perform.”
6. Ditch the Scripts
Performance anxiety often stems from unrealistic expectations. Let go of the idea that intimacy has to look or feel a certain way.
7. Address Underlying Stress
Daily life stress — work, finances, parenting — often spills into the bedroom. Prioritize stress-reduction habits that ground your nervous system.
8. Work with a Therapist
Sometimes the anxiety runs deep. A sex therapist can help you unpack root causes and build new tools with compassion and privacy.
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