Choosing the Perfect Sex Toys

I have been asked many questions in the therapy room from concerned clients about where to begin when it comes to sex toys. They come from all walks of life and vary in many aspects. However, there is a common theme that I encounter rather often.

“I have zero clue on where to begin looking for something that I might like. I am very picky.”

“I just want options! I don’t want to spend the money on 100 toys that all only serve one purpose.”

“How do I know what to pick out for my partner?”

This is where many of my clients become frustrated. Somehow, we are all professionals at searching the internet for hats for our dogs, but we lose that expertise when it comes to sex toys. Either we are too embarrassed or overwhelmed to know where to begin to search for those little (or BIG) devices that will make our hearts sing.

There are many multipurpose sex toys that meet needs for the novice, experienced, gender nonconforming, individuals with disabilities, etc. In fact, your search may lie in those very words.

• Begin by thinking about what your level of experience is with sex toys. If you have little to no experience with sex toys, you might want to begin by adding the word “novice” to your search. This will narrow things down to the less scary options that are out there.
• What is your intention or purpose for the toy? Is it to orgasm? How do you orgasm? Is the toy specific to a certain body part? Is it to tease yourself or your partner? Don’t forget to think about your personal specifics.
• Aesthetically what do you like? If you know that you will cringe at anything with life-like features, the words “discreet”, “smooth”, “abstract” and/or “unrealistic” may help you find your dream sex toy. If you want anatomy to be lifelike, entering words such as, “dual-density”, “realistic”, “lifelike”, and/or “sex flesh” may be up your alley.
• For my multipurpose readers, what is the most versatile tool humans use? A swiss army knife. Adding “swiss army knife sex toys” to your search may just narrow those toys down to your multipurpose needs.
• Sounds simple, but sometimes forgotten- add “individual with disability sex toys” to your search criteria. The market has expanded exponentially in the last 10 years with products that are made with YOUR body in mind. Gender nonconforming or trans? Add those words. It will save you loads of time. Also, words like “pillow”, “inclusive”, “adjustable shape”, “adjustable slots”, “cordless”, and/or “hands free” may assist your search.
• Lastly, when it comes to buying sex toys for your partner- my most helpful advice is to ask what your partner specifically likes or wants to explore. What is their favorite part of their body to pleasure? What is a fantasy that you both have not explored yet? Remember, if you take on the responsibility of asking what a person’s fantasy is- you have to be willing to hear their truth. If these types of discussions are not possible, you may want to rethink your decision to buy such a gift. Open communication and consent are key to all sexual relationships. There may need to be other forms of communication and understanding besides sex toys before one (or many) are brought into the relationship.

I hope this helps all of my sassy novices and sage adventurers! Remember, sex toys don’t have to be scary. When communication is open and boundaries are set, a couple can explore to their heart’s desire. If you are simply trying to explore your own sexuality by your fabulous self, try to be patient while you figure out how your body responds. Happy humping!

Written by Hendrix Scott.

*Disclaimer: this is not meant to act as or replace therapy in any way. Questions sent in may be edited for de-identification purposes, length, and/or grammatical coherency. To schedule a therapy session please call Houston Relationship Therapy at 1-800-913-9613.

If you have any further questions about this topic or to schedule a session with one of our clinicians, please CONTACT US.

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