Skip to content
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 9AM-9PM1-800-913-9613

Specializing in Couples and Sex Therapy

Facebook page opens in new windowTwitter page opens in new windowInstagram page opens in new window

For Clients | For Professionals

Houston Relationship Therapy- Dr. Viviana Coles & Associates
Specializing in Couples and Sex Therapy
Houston Relationship Therapy- Dr. Viviana Coles & AssociatesHouston Relationship Therapy- Dr. Viviana Coles & Associates
  • Our Team
  • Services
  • Rates
  • Request an Appointment
  • FAQs
  • Blog
  • Our Team
  • Services
  • Rates
  • Request an Appointment
  • FAQs
  • Blog

Untying the Nots of BDSM

8568212

With the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, hundreds of men, women and couples are hitting the movie theatre for a taste of something kinky. The movie also brings the culture of BDSM back into the spotlight leaving many curious about what it’s really all about. It hard to define what BDSM is since the term itself is a massive umbrella that covers many different styles of play, instead let me talk about what BDSM is not.

BDSM is NOT all about pain/abuse/humiliation. The letters of BDSM stand for Bondage and Dominance (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) and Sadism and Masochism (SM). So pain may play a part in the BDSM play between two people, as may humiliation. But not everyone into BDSM likes pain. Many enjoy being tied up and stroked with a feather. As stated before BDSM covers many ideas of kink and can be only defined by those that are playing. The mantra of the BDSM community is “safe, sane and consensual”. This means nothing is done that both parties are not comfortable with and/or desiring.

Those that enjoy BDSM are NOT just from abusive pasts. There is a common misconception that people that like being tied up or whipped or those that do the whipping come from an abusive back ground and that is why they are the way they are. However, the truth is, just as there are people from all walk of life who do not enjoy BDSM, there are people from all sorts of backgrounds that do enjoy BDSM. This means that, yes, you will find some people in the community that have abusive backgrounds, you will find people that absolutely do not want anything to do with BDSM to come from abusive backgrounds. Youwill also find plenty of people in the community who did not have an abusive or traumatic upbringing.

Doms are NOT always men and subs are NOT always women. There are many men that enjoy being submissive and there are many women that enjoy being dominant.

In real life doms are NOT always controlling jerks and subs are NOT always weak minded people.Dominants are not the power hungry controlling jerks in real life and submissives are not weak and let others walk all over them. Of course, there may be some that are but in reality to be a submissive requires a lot of strength to be able to relinquish some power and control to their dominant. And the role of the dominant is make sure the submissive is safe.

Doms are technically NOT in control. The truth is doms can control the story line, but subs have the control to stop it at any point in time they no longer feel safe or are enjoying what is happening. Couples often discuss safe word they can use to stop the play or words they can use to check in with their partner. A standard set of words are the stop light words of green meaning keep going, yellow meaning stop what you are doing, but we can continue with something else and red meaning stop everything I need some care.

BDSM is NOT all about sex. Many aspects of BDSM do not involve sex or even touching each other at all. Once again the BDSM umbrella is very large and covers a wide range of play from “tying” up, to spanking, to gently stroking to name a few acts.

More about Jennifer

If you have any further questions about this topic or to schedule a session with one of our clinicians, please CONTACT US. 

Never miss a new blog post! Sign-up for our NEWSLETTER on our homepage.

Post navigation

PreviousPrevious post:Sticker ShockNextNext post:Introduce Kink Into Your Relationship

Related posts

Dr. Viviana Coles Transforms Couples Therapy in Houston
March 28, 2025
Love in the Spotlight: The Surprising Success of Reality TV Marriages | The Messenger
June 25, 2023
Relationship Expert Dr. Viviana Coles tells you how to get private time with kids in the house | Fox 26
June 14, 2023
Relationship Wellness Tips- Houston Life
January 12, 2023
Hurricane Harvey-Braving the Storm
September 6, 2017
holiday stress
Holiday Stress
November 15, 2016

Our Services

  • Relationship Counseling
  • Sex Therapy
  • Affair Recovery
  • Premarital Counseling

Sign up

Sign up for our Free Newsletter

Receive monthly tips and relationship advice from the professionals at
Houston Relationship Therapy.

  • By sharing your email address, you opt-in to getting emails from Houston Relationship Therapy- Dr. Viviana & Associates. You will be able to unsubscribe should you want to.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Testimonials
“I have more self worth and self confidence than ever before and I feel like I am on the right path to being the best version of myself with her guidance!”
“Dr. Coles is a true professional. She will provide you the tools to get on the right track to begin the healing process in your marriage.”
  “Thank you for helping us to realize where we can improve.”
  “Houston Relationship Therapy has provided me with an amazing resource to help me get through one of the hardest things I feel I will experience.”
  “Great thing to do BEFORE you get engaged!”
  “I was going through a really tough time when my relationship ended. I am very happy to have had the support from Houston Relationship Therapy in order to process this grief and work through my emotions during this breakup.”
  “I would definitely recommend Houston Relationship Therapy to others. I’m more than happy with the flexible hours.”
“I would highly recommend Houston Relationship Therapy to my family and friends. Therapy has been highly beneficial and has helped me get my life back on track, when it felt like my world was falling apart and was so chaotic!”
  “Houston Relationship Therapy has been helpful in streamlining the process of managing a marriage, and instrumental in dealing with our relationships with our In-Laws.”
  “Sessions at Houston Relationship Therapy have been helpful in improving communication and problem-solving for our relationship. It is the key to building a strong and healthy relationship.”
Houston Relationship Therapy- Dr. Viviana Coles & Associates
©2025 Houston Relationship Therapy | OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK | 1-800-913-9613

Site by Houston Web Design Agency