Let’s face it, we are human. There are times a sexual experience is better than others, but we just can’t put our finger on what worked better this time around. The reason for this is- we are not machines! When it comes to sexuality not every experience will look like the last or the next one. As I work with female clients, I find that these tweaks help to take their sex life up a notch.
Take time to explore your body- Don’t let your body be a mystery to you. Set aside alone time when you can explore or touch new areas that turn you on. I say alone time because this is not a show for your partner, but for yourself. There are times when having your partner present for this may put pressure on to react a certain way, or even make you feel self conscious about the way you look. So set a date with yourself!
Be open and communicate what you want in a positive tone- This may be easier to do after you have had time to explore your own body. This doesn’t have to be a formal conversation you and your partner have over dinner. I encourage my clients to start small if this is new for them. Most people prefer to start with using nonverbal cues during sex to guide their partner to what they like. For example, moaning when your partner is doing something that feels good to you, or even moving your hand to an area you want to be touched. Yes ladies, USE YOUR HANDS! A step up from nonverbal sexual communication is complimenting your partner during or even after sex on what was the most pleasurable for you. Saying things like “I love when you kiss my neck” or “I think it is really hot when you bite my lip” is a lot more encouraging then “I hate it when you touch my feet.” Taking the time to tell your partner what you like instead of what you don’t like can go a long way!
Quiet your mind- How many of us have never ending mental lists? I know I do! I hear that women find it challenging at times to quiet their mind during sex. Try focusing on one of your senses during sex to get you over that hump, no pun intended. It can be the scent of your partner, the feeling of receiving their touch, or even what it taste like to kiss them. Of course like anything else, being in the moment takes practice. Start now!
Foreplay foreplay foreplay!- Men if you are reading this, I can’t say it enough. Now I am not only talking about the time right before sex (although this is also important), but there is another side of this that is also equally important. Find out what makes your partner feel the most loved and use it! It can be anything such as sending a text during your day to let them know you are thinking of them to doing the laundry for them. Yes, you read this right- having a partner do the laundry can be sexy for some women! Feeling emotionally connected and on the same team most often improves your sexual relationship.
It is important to keep in mind that research does indicate only 25 percent of women achieve orgasm in every vaginal sexual experience, and not all women achieve orgasm only through vaginal stimulation. With this said, my focus is not so much about achieving a more powerful orgasm, but instead to create a more pleasurable sexual experience. My hope is that you use your personal experiences to build on this list, practice what works for you, and of course enjoy!