At the age of 14 I met a boy in class who turned my world upside down. School suddenly became more interesting knowing that I would see him everyday. Like most young girls I was very shy, and I had no idea how to even begin talking to him. Luckily I had the help of my mother, who loved to give advice on dating. Growing up in my house days were spent talking for endless hours about boys and relationships. Questions would come up about how to talk to them, what to say and what not to do, being able to understand whether or not he likes you. These were just a few of the topics that I would talk to my mother about. As I got older, the questions became more complex.
Soon my friends began coming over to seek out my mother’s wisdom on men. We would sit at the kitchen table and talk forever about sex and self control. Is it ok to have sex at my age? Will he take advantage of me? Some mothers are not comfortable talking about these issues to their children, but fortunately mine was, and for that all of my friends and I were grateful.
Unfortunately my mother became ill with cancer and passed away in 2010. Luckily though she was able to coach me through one last relationship in my life, and it was with my husband. At the time he was just another boy whom I liked, but my mother knew he was different. This man treated me with respect and loved me the way every mother wants their child to be loved. I wanted to make sure this man lasted so I followed her “rules” and did not call him and made myself unavailable. At the time I thought these rules were just a game that women would play with men, but as I got older I realized that they are there to teach women how to respect themselves.
After my mother’s passing my life moved pretty quickly, I quit my job as a teacher, I went back to school to become a therapist, and I got married and moved to Dallas to support my husband. With all this change going on, I didn’t have much time to focus on my career. I knew from my background in therapy and teaching that I enjoyed helping children, but I struggled to find a niche. It wasn’t until recently when I was preparing for my marriage that I conjured up all those wonderful memories of sitting and discussing my relationships with my mother. That’s when it finally struck me, what betterway to continue on in my mother’s honor then to help adolescents who don’t have parents to talk to about relationship issues.
I was lucky to have a person I could talk to about my issues as an adolescent growing up, something I very much appreciate. Now I want to be the one helping and guiding others. Relationships and the experience of dealing with them during adolescent years can have a significant impact on an individual’s behavior for the rest of their life.That is why I am trying to start a program that provides a comfortable place where teens can go and talk to someone about these troubling issues. A place where you can feel safe to share your thoughts and get the type of advice and encouragement typically reserved from a loving mother.
By Marissa Vento
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