The Five Love Languages
What is more important?
A: To make sure you show your partner how much you love them.
B: To make sure your partner feels loved by you.
Sounds basically like the same thing, doesn’t it? The subtle difference between the two options above can make a world of a difference. It is not uncommon for me to hear in couple’s therapy sessions two conflicting messages: A person stating that they constantly show love and support while their partner states that they do not feel loved or supported. The answer seems clear to me: despite constant efforts the message is not getting through.
Dr. Gary Chapman has written extensively on what he calls The Five Love Languages. These are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch
He states that we all understand that we are loved in different ways. Our ‘native language’ will more than likely be the one that we learned from our parents or caregivers. As we grow up and interact with other people, we learn new ways to communicate love and we develop a ‘second language’: we may understand it but it is not as strong as our first. I encourage you to take the short test with your partner and discover what your love language is to ensure you are communicating love in a way that your partner will understand (link below).
Author: Eleany Ochoa