Are you trying to turn your fantasy into a reality with your partner? If you answered yes, you are not alone. I have had numerous clients struggling to find ways to let their partner into their fantasies, but they find themselves hesitating due to the possibility of being judged or dealing with the discomfort of talking about sex. Because of the sensitivity and vulnerability present in sexual conversations, sexual communication can be difficult for couples. Keep these three points in mind, if you decide to talk to your partner about expanding your sexual relationship.
- Start the conversation with yourself, understand your kinks- You want to blindfold your partner during foreplay, use a certain toy, or tie your partner to your bed. It is important to know what your turn-ons are and how to communicate them to your partner, but it is also important to understand why they turn you on. Why, you ask? Well, your partner is a different sexual being than you are. They might not find something sexually desirable like you may, so adding your explanation may help them to become more aware of your sexual wants. Also, talking about sex can be erotic for some couples. This explanation may not only help with understanding, but also create sexual excitement.
- Focus on sharing the reasons why this would be special for your relationship- Remember, this may be the first time your partner is introduced to these ideas. It is important to help them understand why this would enhance the intimacy of the relationship. Use phrases such as “I think this would be special for us because…” or “ I feel this will strength our intimacy because…”This phrases may help your partner to understand the special qualities you feel could be added to the sexual part of your relationship.
- Start small- Again, because this may be the first time your partner is introduced to kink, start small. Remember to be sensitive to their comfort level during this conversation. Keep in mind that just because you may find something hot and sexy doesn’t mean that your partner will right away, or even at all. Start with the small things and work your way up as you both become more comfortable with the newness of this sexual part of the relationship.
It is okay to feel nervous about how this conversation will play out, but I hope that these points will help you in guiding the conversation with your partner. Please also keep in mind that you and your partner can also work with a trained professional, like myself, to help facilitate these types of conversations. Good luck!
If you have any further questions about this topic or to schedule a session with one of our clinicians, please CONTACT US.
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