January Relationship Blues: How to Feel Better After the Holidays (Whether You’re Single or Coupled)

If you feel a little off in January, you’re not imagining it. The holidays bring a rush of social plans, family dynamics, travel, spending, and high expectations. Then January hits and everything goes quiet. That “comedown” can feel like sadness, irritability, loneliness, or even doubt about your relationship.

Here’s the truth: January blues are common, and they’re manageable. The key is not to turn a temporary dip into a story about your worth or your relationship.

As a relationship and intimacy therapist in Houston who works with couples and individuals worldwide, I see the same patterns every January. Let’s talk about what’s happening and what actually helps.

Why January Feels So Heavy

January tends to amplify emotions because:

• Your nervous system is exhausted. Even “fun” holidays require energy.
• You’re comparing real life to an idealized season. Social media doesn’t help.
• Spending stress shows up late. Bills and financial regret land in January.
• Less sunlight and less movement can impact mood. Your body matters here.
• There’s pressure to “start fresh” immediately. That can create shame instead of motivation.

You don’t need a personality transplant. You need a reset.

If You’re Single: How to Cope With January Blues Without Spiraling

1) Stop letting January “mean” something about you

If you catch yourself thinking, “Everyone is partnered except me” or “I’m behind,” label it for what it is: a seasonal emotional dip plus comparison. Being single in January is not a diagnosis.

Try this reframe:
“I’m in a transition season, and I’m building the life and love I want.”

2) Build structure so your mood isn’t driving the bus

When you feel low, you need a simple weekly plan. Not a massive self-improvement overhaul. A plan.

A realistic weekly structure:

• 1 social touchpoint: coffee, a walk with a friend, a class, a church group, a dinner out
• 1 body-based activity: walking, strength training, yoga, dancing in your kitchen
• 1 confidence-builder: learning something new, organizing your home, updating your look, finishing a small project

This is not “busywork.” Structure reduces rumination.

3) Use “micro-connection” to reduce loneliness

Loneliness gets louder when you isolate. Aim for short, low-pressure connection:

• Send 2 check-in texts a day
• Make one phone call a week
• Sit somewhere public with a book or laptop for 30 minutes

You’re reminding your brain: I belong. I’m not alone.

4) If you’re dating, don’t treat January like an audition

People make desperate choices in January because they’re tired of feeling lonely. Don’t pick a relationship just to pick a relationship.

Use this simple filter:

• Do I feel safe being myself?
• Are their words consistent with their actions?
• Do we handle small misunderstandings with respect?

If you want more help identifying your patterns in love, take my 4 Intimacy Styles Quiz at 4intimacystylesquiz.com. It helps you understand what you need to feel connected, and what you tend to do when you don’t.

If You’re in a Relationship: What to Do When You Feel Down After the Holidays

January blues can create a dangerous misunderstanding:
You feel low, and you assume the relationship is the reason.

Sometimes it is. Often it’s not. Here’s how to tell the difference and handle it well.

1) Don’t expect your partner to carry your mood

A lot of couples get stuck in this loop:

• One person feels down
• They withdraw, get snippy, or go quiet
• The other person takes it personally
• Now it’s a relationship problem

Instead, say it plainly:

• “I’m feeling low this week and I don’t want to take it out on us.”
• “I’m not mad at you. I’m depleted.”
• “Can we do something low-key together tonight?”

Direct communication prevents unnecessary conflict.

2) Name the real stressor

In January, the real stress is usually one of these:

• Financial pressure
• Family tension fallout
• Exhaustion and poor sleep
• Too many commitments
• Not enough affection or quality time
• Feeling unappreciated

Ask each other:

• “What’s weighing on you most right now?”
• “What would help you feel supported this week?”

This is a check-in, not an interrogation.

3) Use a “mini-reset” instead of a big relationship talk

When couples are depleted, big talks often backfire. Go small and consistent.

Try one mini-reset ritual for 2 weeks:

• 10 minutes of couch time together with no phones
• A daily hug and a kind sentence
• One appreciation per day (effort counts, not perfection)
• A Sunday coffee check-in (what went well, what we need this week)

Small habits rebuild safety and warmth quickly.

4) If intimacy feels off, don’t avoid it, adjust it

January is when many couples notice disconnection. Not because love disappeared, but because life got loud.

Intimacy doesn’t have to mean a big production. Start with:

• non-pressure affection
• flirting
• lingering eye contact
• playful compliments
• sitting close, touching, holding hands

If mismatched desire is showing up, that’s one of the most common issues I help couples with. My book The 4 Intimacy Styles: The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy can help you understand what turns each partner on emotionally and physically, without shame or pressure.

A Simple January Blues Plan You Can Start This Week

Whether you’re single or partnered, here’s a grounded plan:

1. Choose one “anchor” habit (walk after lunch, earlier bedtime, journaling, gym class)
2. Schedule one connection point (friend date, couple date, family dinner, group activity)
3. Pick one mood support tool (music, light exposure, therapy session, gratitude list)
4. Stop making permanent decisions in temporary feelings (especially about dating and relationships)

January is not the month for dramatic conclusions. It’s the month for steady care.

When January Blues Might Be Something More

If you notice any of these lasting more than two weeks, consider getting support:

• persistent sadness or hopelessness
• major sleep changes
• increased irritability or conflict
• loss of interest in things you usually enjoy
• feeling numb or disconnected most days

Support can be therapy, coaching, a structured couples program, or guided resources. You don’t have to guess your way through this.

Work With Dr. Viviana

If you want a clearer plan for your relationship, your communication, or your confidence in dating, I have options that meet you where you are.

• Free resources + tools: Download the VIVID Relationships App for practical tips you can actually use.
• At-home relationship help: Grab my Couples Date Book if you want easy date nights that create real connection.
• Deeper intimacy support: Explore The 4 Intimacy Styles and the quiz at 4intimacystylesquiz.com.
• Private help: I offer therapy and coaching through Houston Relationship Therapy, in-person in Houston and virtually for clients worldwide.

You’re not stuck. You’re in a season. And seasons can change faster than you think.

WHAT THE FULL SEGMENT HERE: https://www.9news.com/video/entertainment/television/programs/colorado-and-company/january-blues-got-you-down-dr-viviana-has-advice-for-the-new-year/73-3366ba5e-7c20-4373-b392-18832641f03c

💡 Want help navigating your own relationship expectations—during holidays or year-round? Book a session with Houston Relationship Therapy today.

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