I would like you to take a moment and think back to a time when you made a mistake or did not succeed as you may have expected or liked. What did you tell yourself?
Now, take a moment to think about a time where someone you care for made a mistake or was feeling bad about not succeeding as they should. What did you tell them?
Is there a difference in how you notice you speak to yourself versus how you speak to those you care for?
More often than not, we are a lot harder on ourselves than we are to those we care for. In fact, most of us would probably not use the same words we tell ourselves to help comfort those we love. So why do we choose to not treat ourselves the same way we treat others? Isn’t that the golden rule that we have learned and have continued to preach to others? This brings me to the idea self-compassion which is the opposite of what most of us practice.
Self-compassion teaches us to be kind, understanding, and comforting to ourselves. This is confusing to most of us who have been in a world where criticism is thought to be motivating and positive in changing the way we behave. It is not surprising that most of our self-talk reflects being judgmental and harsh on ourselves. Research is now showing us that harsh self-criticism can lead to lower self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. Imagine that!
Learning to be self-compassionate is a process, and not something that we can learn overnight. It requires us to retrain ourselves in how we speak to ourselves daily and not only when we feel negatively.
I wanted to leave you all with a short exercise that you can practice daily to get into the habit of being kind, understanding, and comforting to yourself.
Every day when you look in the mirror while getting ready, I would like you to take a couple of seconds and actually LOOK at YOURSELF. This is not looking at yourself to check out your hair, makeup, or check to see if you have anything stuck between your teeth, but truly look at yourself. Acknowledge yourself, and build a relationship with yourself. Rarely do we look at ourselves this way, which I feel makes it easier for us to be harsh on ourselves. It may seem a little cheesy and odd at first, but try it out for a couple of weeks and notice if you see any difference in the way you treat yourself.
I am particularly interested in the topic and research regarding self compassion. If this is an area which you feel you would benefit from or would like to learn more about, schedule an appointment with me. I would love to help you build awareness and explore more about your relationship with yourself.
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